She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
