maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
