My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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