we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He has the fingertips of a God
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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