U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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