I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
