All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
