im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
