if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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