I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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