Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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