Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
