My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They took my balls.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
