that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
