Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
