never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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