Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
