I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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