whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize