She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
