Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
