at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
