it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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