so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
