Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
