Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Four minutes until I can fart!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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