This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
