Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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