I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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