apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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