Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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