how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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