The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize