She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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