he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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