You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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