I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
