worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
