I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
