Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can text with my tongue
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
