Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
