I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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