puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize