Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
