But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
