And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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