one word: firstdatebathroomanal
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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