But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
