So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
