i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
