Christians are straight up FREAKS
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
