my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
