Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
