Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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