she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
