I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
