i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
