dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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