At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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