yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
