I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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