John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
