mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
